My heart in sharing this fight……not to give up. Not to let discouragement and shame win. Not to blame others for my plight. Not to lose hope. I’m simply sharing. This isn’t about wanting a pity party. Consider, one of me, four of them. I fought hard to save our family, the six of us. Nevertheless, here I am.
Dinner is cooking. One needs help with homework. Two wants to play outside but can’t without me. He’s too young. He’s upset and crying. I feel bad. He can’t go because there’s only one of me. Three is trying to share something about her day. I hear bits and pieces of her words, distracted with dinner and my crying little boy and the one who needs help with homework. And four is very angry, screaming, because someone stole her popsicle.
Daddy won’t be home soon to help; to take the one out to ride his bike, to help with homework, to deal with the stolen popsicle, or to give the undivided attention our little girl needs and deserves while sharing her day.
Yes, I know there are many families with both parents who share these same experiences. It’s just that this is my every day. It’s always – only – me. Yet………………
Humility, Perseverance and Strength, I’ve come to know them well. Giving up is not an option. No matter the days I long to run. Or when bad ideas (however fleeting) whisper in my ear of ways to improve my finances. The WRONG WAYS. My heart can’t seem to walk down that path. For me, choosing the wrong way would feel the same as giving up. Giving up my values, self-respect, honesty and hope.
Damn hard – but never worth the sacrifice. My kids are worth the sacrifice of doing it right.