Villains of the mind

Helplessness the most heinous of villains.   I fear for her.  For her future,  her heart, and her life.

sad-child-1371909620aOM

Midwestern wheat fields saturated by rain; still falling
It’s late. Thanksgiving Day is over and here I am wandering
how frank is too frank
Then again, this is me
tired and broken by this day
Failure wants to bury me beneath it’s stinking wrath
Holidays are hard
Mother passed long ago
Father, not worthy of the name father.

My kids and I celebrated alone, and
as the second hand drove round and round
the rain seemed to climb onto each of our backs.
Alas, my daughters plague, not just the rain.
Darkness returned and I feel helpless to save her.
Sadness settled amidst the stunning blue of her eyes.
She chooses alone more often now,
lips which often spew anger and rage.
Her tiny frame, starved yet never hungry.

How can this not be my fault?
My God how must I have failed her; am failing her.
Nauseating disgust swiftly, powerfully
smacks my face,
even as I find myself angry
for the angst of her struggles
What the hell is wrong with me?
Please God, someone, help her, help us help her, help me help her, before we lose her…….more – again – forever.

Love,
Mom

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4 thoughts on “Villains of the mind

    • Thank you Heather 🙂 Things have definitely been worse. She was recently much, much better. Yet now, she’s sinking again and I don’t know why. So so much in her young life. In many ways she’s still just a little girl.

      Happy Thanksgiving to you too.

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  1. Thank you Jennifer. I’m sorry about your daughter. I have to remember that both environmental and biological factors have contributed to my daughters struggle. We know we’re doing our best, though lack of improvement tries real hard to stifle that feeling. Hang in there. Happy day after Thanksgiving. I know this is probably already a difficult holiday for your family. Blessings 🙂

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