“Just this once”


power_in_our_hands_by_doccoI know the sickening scent at the bottom of the well.
I’ve felt the
maddening ache of self-hatred and
what feels like an inability to be free.

I understand the inner battle between staying and fleeing.
I know the
emotional state which does
galvanize calculated ideas of the end.

I know the riveting, all-encompassing poison
found in our belief that we are alone.
Hope-LESS, power-LESS, life-LESS;
I have experienced them all, more than once, more than twice.

Followed by the hiss of, “just this once.”
Just this one cut or just this one hit or just this one drink
or just this one bit of porn or just this one self-deprecating act
just one more, just this once.

Has it ever been “just this once?”
Has it ever eased the pain
just once?

Tomorrow will rise from the never before.
Slumber a reprieve from our sorrow and shame.
Time has been waiting
for you to take its hand.

let fear
fracture your


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